A perfectly regular irregular morning

Randolph woke, retrieved Lady Joy from her crate, walked her downstairs and outside, and began feeding her breakfast all per our regular routine. I typically follow on a five minute delay due to the inexplicable loss of pants during the overnight. If only women's undergarments were acceptable outdoors (it is balmy at nearly 60 degrees), but alas only the males can prance around in their shorts. I descend to the kitchen just in time for the end of LJ's breakfast. She and I go outdoors for her second round of bathroom use, come inside for playtime, and at this point Randolph is showered and ready for departure. LJ loves to follow him and say goodbye at the gate per our regular routine. This is when things begin to deviate. Randolph has no issue with leaving her outdoors unattended. Typically I have a strong issue with this but for some bizarre reason loading the dishwasher without her nose invasions sounded like a fabulous idea this morning. Wrong. Oh, so very very wrong. The dishwasher loaded, I ventured outdoors to find our little lady nose deep in a newly formed crater with several others close by. I did my best to fool her into coming closer so that I could grab her dirt covered body and simultaneously cover the crater with pine needles. (Why you ask? Well, to deter her from such behavior later. Yes, I know, not likely but who can fault me for trying?! The bowel movement can.) A half second later there are a collection of pine needles adhered to my right foot. With the puppy precariously dangling from my right arm I lift the right foot to discover by the light of twinkling snowflakes a fecal matter and pine needle paste. It was like an art project gone wrong. We continued our one foot hobbling to the bathroom downstairs. The showering process is never easy with Lady but the real issue is that our water will run cold quickly if recently used. I know this is something we should remedy, but with the two of us it rarely is a problem that will be remembered until you are standing there in sudsy cold water and desperately wanting. Per routine, the towel is always the redemption. To deviate once again, the other towels had made their way to the laundry and only Randolph's recently used one remained. (If you know Randolph well enough to know what he does to linens, clearly this was not a feasible option. Why must male noses avoid tissues?) I did my best to dry off LJ, let her out, and then went seeking upstairs for drying warmth. In summation, LJ had the downstairs to soak with her damp coat as I hurriedly sought out drying warmth and came up with a few hand towels instead.
Twenty minutes after beginning this composition I sit calmly and mostly dry in a neglected (yea for the random box I opened!) beach towel as Lady Joy sleeps peacefully on her soft dog bed. There are moments that I despise puppyhood, but I know that when she surpasses our behavior expectations that I will be wanting another terror in our home.